A day filled with random acts of nonsense

Here's a photo of the dirty, rotten, fuckin' assclown who stole my shotgun seat... which is why I'm back here pissed off and blogging.

BRADENTON, Fla. — I was in a juvenile mood on Sunday and I can’t explain why. Within an eight-hour span I was responsible for:

1.) Taking a rolled up newspaper from a colleague’s back pocket and spiking it onto the clubhouse floor.

2.) Kicking dirt onto three fellow reporters whose only crime was wearing nice shoes.

3.) Throwing sunflower seeds at a Yankees P.R. flak who was minding his own business while reading daily clips in the dugout.

4.) Giving a good enough fake body flinch while in mid-conversation to convince another reporter — who had his back turned to batting practice — that he was about to get smoked by a wayward baseball.

Though each move came straight out of the fourth-grader’s playbook, each clearly served its purpose, because by the end of the day I found myself entertained by these random acts of juvenile behavior.

Which I guess explains why my workday ended with an impassioned debate about the interpretation of an important childhood rule: calling shotgun.

Because the Yankees played in Bradenton today, several of the writers agreed to carpool. As we walked toward the car, I called shotgun and enjoyed an easy ride in the front seat. Good times.

Now, fast forward to the afternoon. Thinking that I had already established my front seat rights for the trip, I began my walk back the car looking forward to settling back in for the ride home.

That’s when my douchebag buddy called out “shotgun!”

What the fuck? By calling shotgun earlier, I thought I was set for the whole day trip. Because this guy grew up in some communist stronghold somewhere, he interpreted the rule to apply only for single rides. Total bullshit.

Of course, these matters tend to come back to the driver, who always holds the final judgment. Unfortunately for me, the driver in this case grew up in Missouri, where I learned it’s common practice for everyone to pile out of the covered wagon and reshuffle seats every time the horses need a shit break.

Obviously, after a childhood scarred by such nonsense, he ruled that shotgun needed to be called every time. This led to my final juvenile act of the day.

5.) Pissing on the back seat of my buddy’s spring training rental car and then blogging about it. Fuckers.

— 30–

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9 Comments

Filed under Baseball, On the beat, Random

9 responses to “A day filled with random acts of nonsense

  1. Linda Hemmila

    Tell your douchebag buddy I’m sorry for him and Mikke said, “Marc hasn’t changed since she knew him in college!”

    ….as an aside, someone really should consider trademarking douchebag buddy. This seems really useful.

  2. No way dude, shotgun is valid for one trip, not the return. At least that’s how I grew up.

  3. jennifer

    Hate to break it to you Marc, and I hope you don’t block me from your blog, but shotgun is only valid one way.

  4. jamie

    Shotgun calls are good for 1 time in the car. If you make a stop and everybody gets out, shotgun is fair game to be called again.

    You can contest a shotgun call by dropping your pants and racing to the car. The first person with pants at ankles to touch the car wins the protest and gets shotgun.

  5. Kevin Pearson

    Hate to break it to you, buddy, but I agree with the others. Shotgun is a one-way thing. On the way back, it’s gotta be called again. The exception is if you stop mid-trip just to get gas or take a leak, then you get Shotgun for the remainder of that one-way trip without having to re-call it.

  6. tdevils

    Shotgun isn’t an all-day pass…that is correct. It’s a one and done. Of course, I hope you all abide by the “the car must be in sight” rule. – Ashmore

  7. tdevils

    And, just because you boys are all in the big leagues now, don’t think you’re immune to horseshit…just wait until Toronto, Baltimore or Kansas City comes to town.

  8. Gayle

    Like eveyrone else Marc you obviously were not trained in the true rules of shotgun. Only vlaid for one trip and needs to be called each way.

  9. Pingback: So I guess I was kinda wrong about that shotgun rule « Marc Carig | Off The Record

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