Houston, we have a problem

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HOUSTON — I’d be pissed if this weren’t so hilarious. Makes me glad I signed up for United’s text messaging service:

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 415pm and arrives 520pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 608pm and arrives 714pm

— United gate change:
As of 2:39p Jul. 17,
UA259 IAH-SAN
gate is changed to E21.
Subject to change

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 639pm and arrives 745pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 700pm and arrives 806pm

— United gate change:
As of 4:05p Jul. 17,
UA259 IAH-SAN
gate is changed to E9.
Subject to change

— United gate change:
As of 5:39p Jul. 17,
UA259 IAH-SAN
gate is changed to C42.
Subject to change

–United flight delay:
As of 6:02p Jul. 17,
UA259 IAH-SAN
now departs at 6:45p from gate C42
on Jul. 17.
Subject to change

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 715pm and arrives 821pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 730pm and arrives 836pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 745pm and arrives 851pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 815pm and arrives 921pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 830pm and arrives 936pm

— Your 325pm flight to San Diego is delayed due to awaiting aircraft. UA259 now departs Houston 845pm and arrives 951pm

That’s 11 delays and three gate changes, if you’re scoring at home.

A woman at the gate just held her phone up and asked “IS ANYBODY HERE HAPPY!” Nobody was happy.

A few guys with guitars have started playing in the waiting area. They just wrapped up a lovely version of The Lion Sleeps Tonight before belting out Country Roads.

A frail old man in a wheelchair just rose to his feet, staggered to the gate agent, and raised his voice in Spanish.

A gate agent just wheeled up a cart of candy and soda. Looks like a peace offering.

It won’t be long now, I’m sure.

— 30 —

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